About Joy Part 4

So then I spent nearly a year asking God to give me a pure heart. I had no idea how to go about making myself love God with all my heart. So I prayed. And prayed. And prayed some more.

Nothing.

One day, as I sat praying, I felt like God was asking,

"Do you not have faith?"

"Yes, not very big, but I do believe. I even believe Jesus is it; there's nothing else."

"And you know I love you, yes?"

"Yes... uh, mostly."

"Then why do you ask me to give you what you've already been given?"

I will give you a new heart, and put a new spirit within you... Ezekiel 36:26

It dawned on me that God had given me everything I need to live a life of devotion to him. I just had slowed in acting on it. If I'm honest, I hadn't really wanted to act on it.

It made me think about breaking up with old girlfriends. In some of those terrible, co-dependent relationships, those break-ups were seldom final. Break up and get back together; break up again and get back together. Knowing what was best, and yet leaving the door ajar.

For me, joy is closing the door on this world, on my life, my idols. More than a feeling that comes upon me - although it is that too - joy is a choice. A discipline.

As I work each day on being joyful, I envision grabbing a door knob to shut the door on my life here and fixing my heart on him who I know is my true love.